Naughty Bear: Teddy Bears Gone Wild

Yesika plays a game with murderous teddy bears and it was glorious.

I’m lucky I live in a house with friends who equally loves video games as much as I do. We share each other’s platforms and games all the time. My friend Nestor owns a handful of new and old consoles, which gives us a chance to play old titles at our convenience. He would always recommend ones I might have pissed during the PlayStation 2 generation.

Naughty Bear was his most recent suggestion and he even called it “Kill Bill with teddy bears.” The phrase alone was enough to catch my attention and I decided to give it a shot.

I realized that Naughty Bear isn’t Kill Bill with teddy bears because it’s so much more than that. It’s like a teddy bear had an orgy with ManhuntSaints Row, Hotline Miami and Destroy All Humans! and managed to conceive a child with traits from each one. If you’re a fan of these games, then Naughty Bear is probably a game you’ll enjoy.

Players control the eponymous teddy bear in an island populated with teddy bears called Perfection Island. Imagine Care Bears with all the rage, vulgarity, and violence. The game is structured in an episodic format and Naughty encounters ridiculously crazy and entertaining situations from ninja bears to aliens. In the first episode, you’re given the task of going on a vengeful killing spree to get back on the other bears for not inviting you to a birthday party.

In Naughty’s defense, he crafted a birthday gift for Daddles and everyone just laughed at it. I’m pretty sure that I have no remorse for stabbing and de-fluffing almost all of Perfection Island’s inhabitants.

They deserved it just like those mean teenagers I scared to death for humiliating sweet Jodie in Quantic Dream’s video game Beyond: Two Souls.

Naughty Bear and Beyond: Two Souls lets you unleash your inner “Carrie.”

I love video games with creative, entertaining, and diverse death animations. I’m happy to say that Naughty Bear has this feature in the game. You can pick up weapons as you cause havoc and murder the citizens of Perfection Island. You can use guns, but I find the death animations tame compared to the mayhem caused by melee and environmental weapons. My favorite one so far would have to be using a wooden stick to start a fire on top of a bear.

One of the many death animations.

I don’t know if I’m  just a psychopath, but there’s something very therapeutic about chasing squealing teddy bears with a machete. You can also stealth kill bears while hiding behind one giant leaf if you prefer rampaging with discretion.

The game maintains a hardcore and violent atmosphere without relying on blood, guts, and nudity. It’s like Manhunt without the effect of feeling disturbed and uncomfortable after several hours of playing. It’s an over-the-top experience that’s light and easy to enjoy.

On top of your rampage, you have to deal with outside police officer teddy bears. You can avoid this if you murder the teddy bear who is trying to call 911. It’s not that easy though because sometimes they can block the door with their fridge. What’s the solution? Break their window!

The game was pretty much met with horrible reviews and I can understand why. There are a couple of problems with the game, but it’s still a title one can enjoy given the right mindset. My friend handed it to me when I was feeling game for anything and free of preconceived notions. If Call of Duty is starting to become too serious and realistic for you, Naughty Bear is an excellent game to relieve your stress.

Interestingly, this game was rated T for teens when I was expecting it to be a mature title. Perhaps it is alright for teenagers to play a game like this, but I certainly won’t let a kid under 10 play this game. Naughty Bear trivializes violence for comedic effect and I feel like at least young adults understand this concept. I feel like children still don’t understand what “dark humor” is and actually take the violence seriously. Maybe teenagers do, but this game totally feels like an M title. That’s just my opinion though.

If I’m not mistaken, the game is available on Xbox Live and PlayStation Network and the sequel is available for digital download. Naughty Bear isn’t something I would buy for full price, but it’s definitely a game worth experiencing if you could get it on a discount or loan it from a friend.

Do you want to see us play Naughty Bear on Twitch or on YouTube? Let us know.

For now, here are GIFs from the game to give you a glimpse:

This is as sexual as it gets.
Who’s laughing now?!

Published by

Yesika Reyes

The other half who founded Gamemoir. Entrepreneur, writer, gamer, and also a human being. Follow me on Twitter @cdrbedlam

  • You are so right, except the game plays more like a cuddly Friday the 13th/Halloween movie where you play Jason/Michael Myers than anything else. And that is awesome. I was thinking about including this one in a list of games that got terrible reviews but were really great, but I only had one other game that met the standards (Operation Darkness). Naughty Bear is a perfect example of a game where almost everyone who plays it has a great time, but critics murdered it over trivial technical bullshit. Is the game fun? If yes, then it is good and deserves a good score. Why is that so hard for people who review games for a living to understand? It’s like they become immune to enjoyment for its own sake.